


mother's day

by maplestreet



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Sort of? - Freeform, jinsoul single parent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:27:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24115024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maplestreet/pseuds/maplestreet
Summary: Jungeun had one wish and one wish only.It was to be able to feel the weight and the warmth of her daughter, safe in her arms for the first and last time.See, unlike some mothers, Jungeun never had the chance to hold little Yerim when she was born; she wasn’t even able to welcome the child to the world.Let alone say goodbye.Because unlike some mothers, Kim Jungeun is not alive.
Relationships: Jung Jinsol | Jinsoul/Kim Jungeun | Kim Lip
Comments: 19
Kudos: 269





	mother's day

**Author's Note:**

> happy mother's day everyone! i based this au off of hi bye mama on netflix :) tbh i havent finished that show yet i should probably catch up...  
> anywayyyyy this fic was written rly quickly hhh but i hope you enjoy!

“Are you going home early, Jinsol?” A short, brunette woman with a bob cut asked, a clipboard of her daily schedule in hand. 

“Oh, yeah. I promised Yerim I’d pick her up and spend the rest of the day together,” The black-haired doctor replies bashfully, like it was abnormal for a mother to spend time with her daughter. “I couldn’t resist after seeing her work so hard on her art piece last night. It was a bunch of Post-It notes with a letter written with Crayola in each sheet. She pasted it ‘secretly’ on the fridge when she thought I was in the bathroom. It spelled out ‘HAPPI MOTHERS DEI MOMMY’.”

Even if today was a special occasion for people like Jinsol, she had other responsibilities aside from being a parent. As a doctor in one of the most prestigious hospitals in the country, her profession was extremely demanding, almost leaving her with no time for anything else.

So there she was, either running in and out of the room every minute, trying her best to tend to whoever or whatever needs her help; or sitting down for more than five hours a day consulting patients. 

And then there was Jungeun, standing unnoticed inside her wife’s clinic, doing everything in her power to get Jinsol’s attention. “HELLO! HURRY UP! YERIM WAS DISMISSED FIVE MINUTES AGO! GET YOU AND YOUR THICK ASS IN THE CAR AND DRIVE TO THE KINDERGARTEN ALREADY!” 

Of course, Jinsol wouldn’t be able to hear any of that. Jungeun was present, yes. But she was present spiritually, not physically. 

In short, she was a ghost.

This whole thing has been going on for nearly seven years now and in all honesty, it was frustrating. Still, despite being reprimanded time and time again by the Spiritual Leader at the cemetery to pass on, Jungeun refused. 

Even though Yerim can’t see, feel, or even hear her, Jungeun just wanted to stay by her side. She wanted to stay on Earth for a little bit longer to see her little girl grow up. 

Jungeun gave birth to her. She was Yerim’s mother. She _is_ Yerim’s mother. 

What kind of mother would she be if she abandoned her child just like that?

  
  


“Haseul, I’m heading out!” Jinsol slips a black, leather messenger bag onto her shoulder as she makes her way to the door. 

“Alright! Say hi to Yerim for me, will you?”

“I will.”

The doctor walks out of the office and Jungeun follows, huffing in relief. “Finally!” 

— 

Fortunately, the kindergarten Yerim was enrolled at wasn’t too far away from the hospital Jinsol worked in. With the travel time, the six year old was waiting for Jinsol to arrive for twenty minutes at most. Jungeun still hated the fact that her daughter had to wait but she exhaled the bad energy away by considering how hard her wife worked as a single mother.

Once Jinsol arrived at the premises of the kindergarten, the teacher, Son Juyeon, greeted her and called for Yerim, who was playing all by herself in an empty classroom. Jungeun felt her heart sink at the sight of her daughter all alone. The other kids must have already been picked up minutes ago. 

Juyeon called for Yerim again but the child was lost in her own world of Legos. “Sorry, she wasn’t this moody a while ago.”

“It’s okay. I got her,” Jinsol takes careful steps towards her six year old. “Hey, baby.”

The familiar tone of her mother’s voice caught Yerim’s attention, her head immediately turning to the source of the sound. “Mommy?” 

Jinsol smiles with an apologetic look. “Sorry. Did you wait long?” 

Yerim shakes her head, locks of brown hair falling to her face in the process. “It’s okay. I know you’re busy, Mommy.”

“No no no. Mommy’s never busy when it comes to you, sweetie,” The doctor plants a quick kiss on Yerim’s forehead. “Let’s go get some ice cream?”

“Really?!”

“Yeah!”

Jungeun watches the heartfelt exchange between the two girls she loves so much. It was a bittersweet feeling, she was more than happy to see both Jinsol and Yerim have a loving relationship but she also felt empty knowing she will never be a part of that experience. 

More than anything, Jungeun just wanted at least a _moment_ where she could feel like she was actually being a mother to Yerim. Not just standing there being unable to do what she was supposed to. 

  
  
  


Jinsol scoops Yerim into her arms, her little backpack hung loosely around her mom’s shoulder. Both mother and daughter bid the teacher goodbye as they step out to spend the rest of the day together.

Walking along the streets, Jungeun keeps a safe distance behind Jinsol and Yerim, watching the two interact with an affectionate gaze. She wasn’t the luckiest person, seeing as she literally died the day her daughter was born; but if there was anything she got lucky with when she was still alive, it was falling in love with and marrying Jinsol.

Looking at it right now, Jungeun could never see anyone else in Jinsol’s position. She took care of their daughter so well and so selflessly regardless of how stressful it was being in the medical field. Seeing Jinsol spend sleepless nights reviewing her patients’ records and dealing with work problems after tucking Yerim in for bed pained Jungeun, but it also warmed her heart knowing how much Jinsol loves their daughter.

And although Jinsol may be walking hand in hand with Yerim while a smile is on her face, deep down, Jungeun knew she was in pain. It’s not like she hasn’t seen her wife cry herself to sleep some nights. And what’s worse was that it was Mother’s Day today, Jungeun had been with her wife long enough to know that these things made Jinsol extra sentimental; made her miss Jungeun even more. 

If Jungeun had a way of taking away all the pain Jinsol felt, she would do it in an instant. 

But she can’t do that when she was a ghost, now can she?

Man, the gods really proved themselves to be the most unfair beings with this one. Jungeun had every right to be pissed at whoever held her fate in their hands. Who lets a mother die on the day of her daughter's birth? Sadists, that’s who.

—

The ice cream shop was packed as expected but Jinsol and Yerim were able to get a table at the last minute. As much as Jinsol knew it was etiquette to pick a table enough for the two of them, a four-seater was the only one available so they opted for it.

“What did you do today?” Jinsol asks, taking a bite of her sans rival gelato. 

Yerim was going to tell her mother about how she and Hyejoo had a dinosaur battle between their two Lego kingdoms, but it came out as muffled words and ice cream dripping from her lips. 

“Yerim! You’re not supposed to talk when your mouth is full,” Jungeun nags lightly, her maternal instincts kicking in. “Jinsol, aren’t you gonna do something about this?” 

As if on cue, Jinsol reaches for the table napkin and wipes Yerim’s chin. “Talk after swallowing your food, baby. It’s proper table manners.”

Jinsol crumples the table napkin and lets Yerim take a sip of water to wash down the ice cream in her mouth. 

“Is that good?” Jinsol puts down the glass and wipes the droplets of water around her daughter’s lips.

“Mhm!”

“Alright!” The mother holds her hand up in the air for a high-five, which Yerim reciprocates excitedly. “So, how was your day?”

Yerim continues to tell Jinsol about her dinosaur battle with Hyejoo and the other important things that happened like Chaewon accidentally spilling glitter all over Teacher Jiwoo’s feet, Hyunjin somehow bringing a stray cat into the classroom and Heejin drawing all over the wall with a crayon. 

The six year old’s chronicles made Jungeun’s heart swell. She moved closer to give her daughter a hug, but Jungeun’s arms just swung past the little girl's body, like she was a hologram.

Moments like this break her heart the most. Yerim was so close to her yet so, so, **_so_ **far away. 

It was cruel. 

—

Dinner was sophisticated tonight. Jinsol was never the better cook between her and Jungeun, so she ordered take-out from Yerim’s favorite restaurant and even added in her favorite dessert. 

Yerim helps Jinsol prepare the table, setting two plates beside each other and taking the pitcher of water out of the fridge while Jinsol unwraps all the food they ordered. The savory smell of spices swarmed the room and all Jungeun could do was sit in envy.

Aside from missing her daughter and her wife, she misses eating actual food too. 

“All set, Yerim?” Jinsol calls out from the kitchen. 

“We’re all set, captain!” The six year old’s squeaky voice yells back from the dining area, proud of herself for lending her mother a helping hand. 

Jungeun looks at her with complete adoration. Yerim was growing up so fast. Too fast. 

Walking out of the kitchen with the plates of food, Jinsol did her best impression of a five-star restaurant waiter. “Here’s your order, _mademoiselle_!” She exaggerates in a French accent she picked up from watching too much Ratatouille. 

“You sound like the cool short-haired girl from the rat movie!” Yerim bursts into giggles. 

“I love Colette, too!” Jungeun gasps, finally feeling she had some sort of connection with her daughter. 

“Colette? I knew you’d like her. She was your—” The words lumped in Jinsol’s throat, stopping her from finishing her sentence. This wasn’t the first time Jinsol had unconsciously brought Jungeun up in a conversation but the thought of her wife still stung her after all these years, as if a bottle of ethyl alcohol was poured on a freshly opened wound.

You don’t just love someone with all you’ve got and easily forget about them like nothing happened.

Jungeun stares at Jinsol, tears threatening to trickle down from the corners of her eyes.

Yerim tugged the hem of her mother’s shirt, snapping Jinsol out of her frozen daze. “Sorry about that, baby. I’m okay now.” She sniffles and wipes her reddening eyes, a plastic smile quickly masking the pain she felt not so long ago. “Let’s enjoy our dinner, shall we?”

—

After clearing the dinner table, Jinsol prepares Yerim for bed. Having spent the day full of activities, Yerim’s battery ran so low that Jinsol had to carry her into her room. 

By the time Yerim’s head hit her pillow, she began snoring softly. The sound made Jinsol chuckle, to think something like that would come from a tiny six year old. She pulls Yerim’s purple covers up and plants a kiss on the crown of her daughter’s brunette head. Jungeun watches from the door frame, her presence completely invisible to the pair.

“Good night, Yerim. I love you,” Jinsol whispers as her voice cracked in the silence of the room, breaking down on the floor beside the single bed. 

“Jinsol,” Jungeun breathes shakily, warm tears staining her cheeks. “Don’t do this. I hate it when you do this, please.” 

Jungeun knows her wife will never feel her arms around her shoulders, but Jungeun tries anyway. She crouches down and attempts to comfort Jinsol, only to see her hand pass through Jinsol’s arm. 

She hated it. Jungeun hated it so much that she can’t even be there for her wife when she was struggling. Of all the people on earth, Jinsol did not deserve any of this. She was kind, caring, considerate—the closest thing to mean she’s done was to accidentally buy white bread instead of wheat bread when Jungeun specifically told her to get the latter.

“Jungeun,” Jinsol whimpered, curling up on the carpeted floor of Yerim’s room. “God, I miss you so much.” 

The dam breaks and Jungeun begins to sob, seeing Jinsol in this state was always too much for her to bear. This was the person she loves, pushed down on her knees by the cruel world they lived in, helpless and alone. 

“I’ll take care of Yerim. I promise you, I will.” Jinsol sniffles and lets out a soft laugh of self-pity. She sits up and leans on the foot of Yerim’s bed. “I shouldn’t be doing this. You’d probably scold me like crazy if you saw me like this wouldn’t you, Jungie?”

“You big, stupid, nerd,” Jungeun tuts, pushing herself off the floor. “Don’t make Yerim see you like this, it’s not a good example.” 

“It’s late. I need to go to sleep,” The single mother stands up and leaves Yerim’s room quietly. 

—

Jungeun walks along the lonely neighborhood of her home—no—Jinsol and Yerim’s home. It looked like a cold night, assuming how people were dressed in heavy coats and knitted gloves. 

(Jungeun couldn’t feel all that, though. Since she became a ghost, her sense of touch was stripped away from her.) 

The chilly weather reminded her of the heavy feeling in her chest and the resentment she felt towards whoever brought this fate upon her. She was starting to feel everything at once and she’s _had_ it. 

“It’s UNFAIR,” She screams out loud. “You made me wait NINE MONTHS just so I could see my daughter, only to take away that opportunity from ME. And now, you’ve cursed me with the choice of leaving my family or staying on earth but be UNSEEN. You sadistic fucks are SICK IN THE HEAD.”

Jungeun thinks of all the curses she knew and threw them at the indiscernible beings looking down on her from above. She screamed even the blasphemous ones she was too afraid to say when she was alive.

The gods, the universe— _all_ of them deserved to be cursed at with the unjust destiny they’ve given Jungeun. 

“I just want a moment with them. To have them in my arms, to tell them I love them. Is that really too much to ask?” She falls to her knees, utterly defeated by the emotions surging within her. 

  
  
  


_One moment._

A deep, husky voice speaks in Jungeun’s mind, shooting a shiver down her spine.

_We will give you one moment._

  
  
  
  


Not long after the voice disappears, a crack of lightning rips through the midnight sky and lets out a thunderous roar. The people drinking around the streets began to scramble and seek shelter, worried that it might rain or the lightning might strike them. 

“Hey, lady! Get the fuck out of the street!” A passerby screamed. 

Wait. No one else was on the street except—

“Are… are you talking to me?” Jungeun raises her brows and points to herself. 

“Who else?! Get the fuck out of there before the storm gets you!” 

“I… I’m…” 

Jungeun had just come back from the dead. 

—

Okay, maybe it wasn’t a good idea to show up on your wife’s porch after she saw you take your last breath in the emergency room six years ago but what choice did Jungeun have? She had no place to stay for the rest of the night. 

So here she was, ringing the doorbell at nearly midnight, hoping Jinsol isn’t too knocked out to not hear the melodic chime. 

Thankfully, she wasn’t.

Much to Jungeun’s surprise, she hears footsteps making their way to the front door. 

_She’s gonna freak out._ Jungeun says in her mind. _But I’ll explain and get it over with. I got this._

The mahogany door in front of Jungeun opened and revealed a disheveled Jinsol fresh from her sleep. “Can I help y—” Once the dark-haired doctor rubbed the drowse out of her eyes, she stopped her movements and stared at the woman in front of her.

“Jinsol. Please, don’t be scared. It’s m—”

But before Jungeun could finish her words, Jinsol took the shorter girl in her arms and squeezed her tightly. Oh, how much she missed her wife’s warmth. Jungeun missed how Jinsol held her as if she was going to slip away any minute, how Jinsol smelled of flowers, how Jungeun could literally feel Jinsol’s love pour out from her soul to hers. 

“You’re… not scared?” Jungeun asks, her mouth muffled against Jinsol’s shoulders. 

“I don’t care if you’re the devil himself disguising as my wife, I’m just happy to see her.”

“Baby, no. I’m not a demon,” The brunette laughs but she was close to tears. “It’s me, dummy.”

“I missed you.”

“Are you really not gonna ask me if I’m who you think I am?”

“I don’t care.”

“That’s actually concerning.” 

“See, this is how I know it’s really you,” Jinsol pulls back, her face stained with tears just like before except now there was an indescribable happiness in her smile. 

Jungeun takes in the sight of her wife illuminated by the moonlight seeping through the blinds of the living room, her eyes twinkling in the dark while staring lovingly into Jungeun’s. She wanted to stay like this, content in Jinsol’s arms, but there was another girl Jungeun wanted to visit other than her wife.

“How’s Yerim?”

  
  
  


The couple quietly tiptoes into their daughter’s room, fingers interlocked. Seeing Yerim while Jungeun was in her human form was totally different from when she was a ghost, everything felt more… real. 

For the first time ever, Jungeun was able to feel the soft fabric of Yerim’s blanket, the heat inside it transferring to Jungeun’s fingertips at the moment of contact. “She’s perfect,” Jungeun whispers as her eyes lay on Yerim’s sleeping figure.

Jinsol carefully climbs onto Yerim’s bed, making sure she doesn’t wake her daughter in the process. 

“What are you doing!” Jungeun hisses. “You might wake her up!” 

“Shh. Come on, take the other side,” Jinsol nudges her wife, untangling their fingers so she could walk to the other side. Jungeun complies (but not without shooting Jinsol a look) and slowly makes herself comfortable. 

The couple somehow made themselves fit perfectly on Yerim’s single bed with the six year old sleeping soundly in between them. Jungeun smiled at the peaceful expression Yerim had, stroking her head of brown hair gingerly. 

“It should have been like this,” The dark-haired girl whispers in the dark. “I wanted us to be like this.”

Jungeun doesn’t say anything, worried she might start sobbing if she did.

“It scares me that I might not be good enough for her,” Jinsol trembles. “I can’t even pick her up on time, I’m so horrible. I’m sorry, Jungeun.”

“Don’t say that. Jinsol, you’re amazing,” Jungeun reached her hand out to tuck Jinsol’s hair behind her ear. “You’ve been the best mom to Yerim. No one else could do what you have done for her.”

Just then, Yerim shifts in her sleep, alerting both Jinsol and Jungeun to minimize their movements to keep the six year old from waking up. But Yerim still kept moving until her tiny hands found their way to Jungeun, instantly clutching onto her. 

The mother melts; her wish of holding her daughter in her arms finally came true and she cherished every second of it. Jinsol moves closer and wraps her arms around Jungeun as well, both her girls safe within her grasp. 

“Mommy?” The little girl mumbles in her sleep. 

Jungeun was surprised to hear Yerim speak but instead of staying silent, she took the opportunity to finally talk to her daughter. “Hi, baby.” 

Yerim smiles, her eyes half-open. “Happy Mother’s Day, Mommy. I love you.”

“I love you too, Yerim,” Jungeun pressed her lips against her six year old’s cheek, Yerim slowly falling back asleep.

Seeing her wife and daughter finally bond the way they should have made Jinsol’s heart expand tenfold. If only this moment could last forever.

But then it hit her.

“Jungeun,” The tone of the older woman’s voice suddenly became serious. “Are you staying?”

Her wife’s question made Jungeun uneasy because she knew the truth would shatter Jinsol. “You already know the answer, Jinsol.”

“Fuck.” 

“ _Don’t swear in front of her,_ ” Jungeun scolds quietly. “There’s nothing we can do about it, Jinsol. Please, I just want to spend this moment without us fighting. Please.”

Jinsol looked up at the ceiling and sighed, forcing her tears back. “Okay.”

It was bittersweet. 

Jinsol was happy that Jungeun was in her arms right now, but the fact that she doesn’t know when her wife was going to slip away again is distracting her from fully enjoying the spare time she had with Jungeun. The first time Jungeun left Jinsol’s life was when she was on her deathbed six years ago and even so, Jinsol still hasn’t fully recovered from that; how much more when Jungeun leaves her again for a second time.

“Stop thinking about it. I know it’s still in your mind because your eyebrows dip when something’s troubling you,” Jungeun places her thumb in between Jinsol’s brows, massaging the spot softly. 

“You got me,” A defeated smile curled on Jinsol’s lips as Jungeun’s thumb found her way to her wife’s cheek, tenderly making circles around it while locking eyes with her.

“Jinsol, I just want to tell you how much I love you and how grateful I am that I married you. And how we somehow created the most perfect thing in the world,” Jungeun rests her forehead against Jinsol’s. “But I know you’re lonely. And I don’t want you to go through this alone. It’s not easy being a single parent.”

“I know but I still love you, Jungeun.” 

“I’ve been dead for six years, Jinsol. You have to move on with life.”

“I _am_ moving on and I’m doing this because I know it’s the best for Yerim,” Jinsol says weakly, her voice beginning to crack once again. “And I’ve tried, Jungeun. I did. But I really can’t bring myself to love someone who isn’t you.” 

As endearing as it sounded, Jungeun can’t help but roll her eyes at how ridiculous her wife was. “God, you big sap.” The younger woman smacks Jinsol’s shoulder playfully.

“Remember what I said when I got awfully wasted in college?” 

It was a random memory Jinsol brought up, but Jungeun went along with it anyway. “Of course. It was the night before graduation, I’ll never forget.” 

“Do you remember what I said when I shouted in that bar?” 

“Jalapeño Cheetos made you break the toilet?”

“Noooooooo” 

Jinsol groaned and closed her eyes in embarrassment. Jungeun was keeping herself from bursting into laughter.

“Okay, what was it then?” 

After Jungeun had calmed down, Jinsol stares into her wife’s eyes with nothing but love and affection. “It was: ‘Kim Jungeun, I will never stop loving you even if the world forces me to.’” 

The tears Jinsol have held back finally fall. Jungeun feels a mix of joy and sadness from her wife’s words, unable to understand just how blessed she was to have someone like Jinsol by her side after everything they’ve been through. 

“Wait for me up there, will you?” Jinsol breathes.

“Hey! Don’t come after me when it isn't your time yet. I don’t want Yerim to be alone.”

“Of course not, baby.” 

The dark-haired woman hugs Jungeun closer, afraid that she was about to disappear soon; relishing each second that passed them by. 

“I love you, Jung Jinsol.” 

“I love you too, Kim Jungeun.”

—

Breakfast was served with fruits and oatmeal, just how Yerim wanted every Sunday morning to start. For today though, Jinsol made the extra effort to make a smiley face using pieces of blueberry and slices of banana. 

“Mommy?”

“Yes, baby?” Jinsol looks back at Yerim seated on the dining table while she flipped the omelette she was going to have.

“I had a weird dream last night.”

“Really? What was it about?”

“I had _two_ mommies.”

  
Yerim’s answer put a melancholic smile on Jinsol’s face. “You do, baby. You _have_ two mommies taking care of you.”

**Author's Note:**

> SOOOOOO HOW WAS IT? HEHE  
> it took me more or less 10 hours to finish writing and editing this HHH  
> anyway i hope u guys liked it!!! yell at me in the comments or on my cc any feedback is appreciated hehe <3  
> HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!
> 
> twt:@lipsouluvr  
> cc: @lovecherrylipse


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